Temporary Casts, Permanent Mental Scars

In the past future, I fractured a piece of my hand. Of course, on Sunday's the OutPatient Care Unit is closed in Chinese hospitals. So...to the ER. To put it lightly, the ER is like a deleted scene from Jacob's Ladder. Blood, yelling, bones, general chaos and no one waits in line. They just yell and run. And yell.

I had a great conversation with with an older man.

Older Man: In America, everyone is rich. Everyone has two cars and a job.

Me: Wow. That sounds amazing where is that America?

Older Man: What?

Me: Huh?

Brew From the Roof of the World

Impromptu Naugahyde Bubble Bath

In the time of Me, kids totally haul ass on aerodynamic pedaling water bikes. They don't listen to their mother's and they certainly do not play dolls with kid sister.

This specimen in particular, hauled around like a Calgary cowboy on one of them angry bulls for a few laps and when he tired out he spotted a squirrel.



Then he started crying because he got his shoes wet. I threw some more water on him and got tackled by his father who fractured my hand. I do not regret a thing.

My advice is don't wear high heels if you're going to throw water on a kid.

The Dawning of a PG-13 Era

I was doing a little futuristic housecleaning this week and decided that perhaps I should remove the sign in front of my home. I never really understood all the offers I had been getting, but they were much appreciated.

I'll be selling the sign to the highest bidder.

Bravaria's Own Joie de Vivre

In your past future, commercial actors who are to be English are actually German and ended up sounding French.

The lesson learned: You can lead a cat to water, but you can't get milk from a butcher.

High Brow Monotony for the Masses

In futuristic societies such as mine, art gallery security guards fall asleep on the job. Dozing off because of the mind piercing sulfites in the horrible wine, guys in girlpants and the thick clouds of pretension. Once asleep they become another piece in the gallery. Art imitates life. Life becomes art.

None of this really matters because we have flying cars.

Fight the Urge to Punt the Small Fuzzy Dogs.

In the future, small dogs run wild and fend for themselves through non-violent means. The easiest way of dealing with these ankle biters is by ALWAYS carrying a large bag of mutton properly seasoned with caraway and molasses.

They sense that you want to punt them. Do not think about punting them.